Donate Child Support Calculator
Skip navigation

Public Place?

Hi, I've had a look and couldn't find this question elsewhere…sorry if it's been done before.

We have been given our final custody orders from the courts and we have our allocated time.

So my question is this, can my ex wife just turn up when I am with the children at their sport (or elsewhere) even though it is my time with the children? She claims it is a public place so she is allowed to be there.

thank you.
Hey SoStressful pretty much " Yes ", in some ways this should be seen as OK when considering the childs best interests as the child sees you are able to include their mum or dad with regards to what is important to them, you also have the right to turn up and be a spectator.

In some cases this can backfire as the other parent may claim they are afraid but if one is already turning up when the child is with you there is no fear.

It may be uncomfortable but could also be beneficial as your child will see you making an effort and being supportive of them ( age Dependant of course ).

Best advice is to try and put up with it and build from it.
When I first read this I thought, how dare she intrude on your time.

Then I had a think about it from the childrens perspective.

I wonder how they feel about both mum and dad being there at their events supporting them and focussing on them and putting them before their own rights and needs.

If she is doing it then you certainly could do the same. Not to get her back but again to show the kids that you are both willing to put everything else aside because you care so much for them.

"When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside can not hurt you"
Thanks D4E and Dominik, yeah as much as I don't want her there I know the children like it. It just irks me when she comes to my stuff but then refuses to let attend when she has them.

thanks again.  :)
How does she refuse to let you attend, can you not also "just show up? and as has been pointed out if she claims to feel threatened if you should do it will be hard to prove if she is happily attending events where you are present.

When you are swimming down a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a Moray.
well….it started 3 weeks ago when I said I wanted to go to my sons game, she said if I go she would pull him off the field and that I'm not to go near her. 1 week later she rocks up to my week with them and this week she's doing the same.
SoStressful said
Thanks D4E and Dominik, yeah as much as I don't want her there I know the children like it. It just irks me when she comes to my stuff but then refuses to let attend when she has them.
Hi SoStressful, Have you thought of thanking your X for showing up to the childrens sporting activities because your children have benefitted from both of you being there. Even though you do not wish your x to be there it may be a way of defusing a situation before it gets to out of hand.

Its all about the children

ILG
Sec SPCA said
A very fine approach worthy of a red border

Last edit: by Secretary SPCA

Good suggestion IsntLifeGrand, SoStressfull quite possibly her reaction was because you have told her you intended to go.

Maybe to expand on ILG's suggestion, you could thank her for showing up stating that the kids were pleased she went along and it is important to you that she keeps involved in their activities, and suggest that perhaps you could both put your differences aside in order to support the children in such a way.

I know it is hard to do so but I can assure you from experience that not only do the children really appreciate it when a parent puts aside the animosity to allow the other parent to stay involved but the other parent will also. I have had a very high conflict break up but have also allowed the ex to stay at my house (with his gf and baby) in order to attend our daughers year 10 formal. It went totally against the grain but my daughter was so happy it was worth it, and my ex has softened somewhat in his attempts to be difficult.

I'm not saying it WILL work - but it just may :)

When you are swimming down a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a Moray.
One of the biggest thing we need to avoid as parents is the old " knee jerk reaction ", this is to say we need to consider whether we are doing this to get back at the other parent, ego or for the kids.

It sound like she has decided your idea is fair and to go along to the game but in there may be another reason so be careful, she may be trying to appease her ego by dominating control of the situation reflectively showing the kids she is in control, " See I can turn up when I want and your dad won't dare ", possibly subliminally. Be careful with your response to this as you may find when pushed she will respond via her previous threat, I'm not saying do not turn up but rather if you do make sure you are distant from her and if she chooses to pull the kids off and leave let it happen and keep your distance.

With all that you do keep in mind what you are trying to achieve and remained " The evolved parent " by this I mean do not regress into her style of parenting because you've had your nose put out of joint but rather be the better parent.

Only you will know what will best suit the situation and what you can try to make a difference and from experience it may be the case you have to do things consistently for many months perhaps even years before it's accepted by the other parent and during this time they may constantly try to undermine your efforts.

All best D4E
D4E said
It sound like she has decided your idea is fair and to go along to the game but in there may be another reason so be careful, she may be trying to appease her ego by dominating control of the situation reflectively showing the kids she is in control, " See I can turn up when I want and your dad won't dare ", possibly subliminally.
  thanks D4E, without turning this into a huge argument with anyone, I know you are close to the mark.
1 guest and 0 members have just viewed this.

Recent Tweets