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Fairgo,

Children 9,8 & 6 yrs old…boy, girl, boy

Married with 2 more children 2 yrs and 4mths old. (chose not to go to court due to pregnancies and stress)

Consent Orders - I have every 2nd weekend (5pm Fri - 5pm Sun) and half of all school holidays. Signed Jun 2006. I have missed only one weekend due to wedding in country (in bridal party), and asked ex to swap weekends, ex would not.

I work full time with flexibility, ex works when she feels like it. However, ex has taken on a 6mth contract working Mon-Fri 9-3pm at a school. Will not let me have them before school as she drops at earliest time 8.20am, so ex can get to work on time, and will not let me pick up from school (Fri on my 2nd weekend, an extra 2 hrs), however, ex has her sister and mother pick up children from school as she can't get there in time from her work.

We live 5mins from each other and school.

We had a financial agreement until Aug 09, with me paying more than double CS.

Ex tried to get CSA to make me continue large amount, plus extras.

Ex has not and will not allow me any more time with children always says 'stick to court orders'.

Ex would not let me have children for my mothers birthday dinner, ex says 'plan events in your time'

Children are asking to spend more time with me.

Child psychologist said ex will fight me for every second she has to give up of children's time.

Wanting to know when we go to court, and it will go to court (ex is only attending Relationships Aust because she will look bad for her if she doesn't go, she's declined twice now), can the notes from the psychologist be called upon…?

Will look more into SRL site as well.



Hi OBCH

Most of the matters that you bring up are discussed on the SRL-Resources.org in the private area's so you can feel free to discuss the full detail. But I just wanted to point out one thing you said, "can the notes from the psychologist be called upon".

I note that your kids are 9,8 & 6. The first thing that I would ask you is what is the most important thing that they want in any relationship (whether it be mum to kids, dad to kids, friend to kids or a professional to kids)? I can hear you saying inside……. TRUST.

So if you do call the evidence of the childrens psychologist and what they say in a private arena is broadcast for all, do you think that they will be able to have trust in the psych to be able to keep talking openly and freely to deal with the issues without worrying about the bad things they might say about dad or mum being told to others? There is a saying that all is fair in love or war, but the philosophical question I would ask you is, would you rather have your kids feel comfortable in speaking to a professional who will help them get through the issues that children of separation are faced with or scared that what they may say to the professional may make them look like they are taking sides?

Now I haven't looked back at your past posts, so if there are issues of violence against the kids etc, I would probably take a different stand, but I would urge you to consider the therapeutic benefits of the child psychologist over having a clincher over the ex in the courtroom. Always think, if I do this will it be in the best interests of the kids or is it merely meeting my needs in the courtroom.

Some of Australia's best barristers have left the final upper cut out of their summation purely because its not BIC.

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on the site (Look for the Avatars).   Be mindful what you post in the public areas

I understand what you have said, and my children are my first priority.

When they are with me I see in their faces and eyes that they relax and no pressure is put on them and they are happy.

However, it seems the only way to prove anything is to have concrete evidence, as I have found out with both CSA and SSAT.

I, being the payer and male, have to have hard copy evidence, from a third party, to prove my case…

AND she being payee and female, only has to give her word, or only has to supply evidence to go her way…ie verbally said she was receiving hardship, SSAT says 'as there was no evidence before me', I pay half of full/gross school fees…which basically means I pay almost the whole amount, because she provided invoice of full school fees.

Ex gave me Sunday nights of my weekends, confirmed through emails and solicitors, children in this routine for 7 months, then then took it back because 'I could not parent properly', and consent orders were not changed formally - the reasons were, I didn't send one child to a birthday party, didn't send one child to a nippers carnival, and didn't de-lice a childs head (they didn't have head lice)

Ex has taken 2 of 3 children to child psychologist…and did not even let me know.

The child psychologist has also tried to tell ex they need to see me more, ex tells child psychologist that I am not interested in the children nor do I want any more time with them.

I do realise there may be some repercussions of bringing in child psychologist to court, however I do believe it far outweighs the damage that the ex has done and continues to do, still 5 years later.

I have emails and solicitors letters of refusal to give me any more time, however just as she fabricated all CSA SSAT info, I'm know I'll be up against a giant…ex has already said 'I don't care how much it costs, I will fight you to the death, you will never have 50% of you children'

I would rather bring the psychologist into court than the children….

I do reassure the children that I am here whenever they need to talk to me, I say 'ask your Mum if you can call', or see me 'you'll have to ask your Mum if you can come to my house'.

When children asks to call, ex says 'Daddy's always in a meeting'…when children ask to come to my house ex says, 'Daddy's away'

Children have asked to go surfing after school with me, ex says 'no, XXXXX (new boyfriend) will take you'

Children say 'Mum says she doesn't have your phone number'

How do you deal with that…it's so saddening…

I live 5 minutes away.

There is no violence…

however ex has charged me twice with assault, first one she backed out of going to court outside the door, second one - ex was unsuccessful, in judge decision said ex embellished her story

ex has tried to get AVO - ex was unsuccessful, in judge decision said ex embellished her story


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