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Paying other costs on top of CSA payments

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Am I legally bound to keep forking out?

I pay every cent of maintenance I am supposed to, I have an average wage and she doesnt work (medically pensioned). She receives all the FTB payments, pension and my CSA payments. She got a good settlement out of our short marriage…enough to buy a house and car with and set herself up.

Now my question is that every few weeks she is hitting me up to pay half of this and half of that for the kids on top of my maintenance….many of these costs she is asking for are in the hundreds of dollars for kids dancing concerts etc…

I have the 50% share of the kids but pay about 85% or something due to her not working and just cant afford to pay all these extras as well as trying to pay pack the extra mortgage, tax, CSA payments and all the things I need to buy to support myself and the kids as well.

Your thoughts?
You only pay what CS works out is payable and no more. You can then choose to do something extra for the kids if you wish. Ex can not legally ask or expect more money.

What do you want for the children?

I say this in a nice way.  Whether you are partnered or separated we look at these "extras" as an expense.  It is a "want" not a "need".

After taking out all the costs of living, even ordinary income earners that when partnered can not afford to provide these "extras" for the children.

My personal opinion would be to say "if you want to take them to dance classes that is your choice, you pay for it because I can not afford it". I don't think the CSA would take extra co-ciricular  activities into consideration as an expense for the welfare of the child.

The benefits that she would be receiving would be huge, the school card, discounted medications, doctors appointments, reduced utilities, and as she is on a DSP many more benefits, no doubt about that. At the end of the week she probably has more and above the "change" you would have in your pocket.

If you want to continue on with the extra "want" activites then make sure you get the accounts provided to you.  (Just so you know you are not getting ripped of I suppose)

If you are 50/50 shared care arrangement I hope you are getting some FTB if you are are eligible.  (You mentioned she is getting all the FTB, it may be a mis-enterpratation on my part).

 Depending on your circumstances you may be entitled to more benefits, of course this all depends on your annual income. There are a few details missing so I can't help you on that one.  You may need to have a good look at the way the assessment is being made.

Stand up to her and don't let the wool be pulled over your eyes!!
thanks for the feedback. When I say it is 50/50 care, she has arranged it with the CSA to be 51% to 49% in her favour so she gets all the FTB etc…

I know what you mean about her earnings after tax, she would have more left over in her pocket every fortnight than I do.

Decided Im over this and anything other than urgent medical expenses I will be declining her requests.
broke said
thanks for the feedback. When I say it is 50/50 care, she has arranged it with the CSA to be 51% to 49% in her favour so she gets all the FTB etc…

If you have 35% or more care then the FTB should be split you can claim your rightful portion of the FTB through a Family Assistance Office or even online via
Will be looking into that first thing tomorrow morning, thanks!
Hi, Having been a single mum for a long time and with 3 children, I always received maintenance from the children's dad, and this on occasion was a burden for him ( and a source of conflict), mostly it was not an issue. We were generally able to discuss those extra things ( braces), sports and bigger education expenses like school camps. We mostly agreed that we did not want the children to experience a lower standard of living because we were apart, and we agreed that 2 households were more expensive than one.

Perhaps you could have a talk and agree which extra activities you are prepared to contribute to. It sounds like you have daughters doing dance :lol: which I know nothing about except it is expensive, were they doing these activities before you parted company etc.

 You don't have to pay extra but as a mum and dad sounds like you both want your kids to have as full a life as possible. If you cannot agree maybe you could start a bank account for your children and bank a small amount each pay just for that.

I would suggest you offer to help with extra medical ( as you say) and part of camps, books etc.if you can (apart from anything else it prevents accusations to your kids that you are mean, don't care etc)

 Mum would also get assistance with fees etc and education allowance so as long as you are happy your kids are not being disadvantaged work out what you think is to their benefit. Pensions etc is not a lot of money and kids are expensive. Good luck
Thanks for your feedback solace, i do understand exactly what you mean and it is true, i do want the best for my kids, Im just not keen to for out hundreds for little kids to be in dance comps where they dont even know what they are doing…bit like those beauty pagents… forcing the kids to be up there when they just would rather be at the beach running around being kids… As far as school, it kind of works out even as i pay for any excursions that pop up during the weeks I have the kids and I expect her to cover those that fall on her weeks.

At the end of the day for me it all comes down to good will, if I see some goodwill coming my way, i will be more inclined to reciprocate the favours. Its really not all about money though, the most important thing to me is that the kids are happy and that I spend plenty of time with them. Ex just has to learn that SHE was the one who decided to leave for greener pastures and quickly realised that the grass wasnt greener….she needs to see how tough it really is to run a household and plan her budget accordingly just like I always have.
Hi broke, sounds like you are doing a great job with it all, I agree with you about the beauty pageants etc ( maybe mums dream rather than kids) if I am hearing you correctly.

I think you are right, if the children are having a decent standard of living and those extras that most families struggle to pay ( or decide based on the financial impact) probably are not necessary.

Is your relationship with mum amicable enough to say that you think given the age etc of the children that you think activities like swimming, or other things that are age appropriate are something you are prepared to contribute to ( assuming you are of course).
Otherwise, keep an account of the extras you pay for, for an amount of time and then when she asks for big amount for dance explain that you have met costs totally x for the month and that is all your budget allows, can I suggest ( if you haven't done so already) let her know that you do not intend to pay costs for dance costumes etc FROM a certain date and nominate ( perhaps the end of the next term), that way the kids don't get cut short, mum can plan her budget ( and decide if she wants to give up something else or cancel classes etc.
For you, work out what, if any extras you can afford and are prepared to contribute and set it aside ( there will be weeks when there are no extras hopefully) and when you are on a limited budget it helps, my experience anyway.
If you can get the good will happening, and some understanding from mum that you are not a limitless cash machine I suspect you would give your kids the world. Just keep thinking about having happy kids ( and I don't mean spoiled, indulged, etc) because if the dance thing is really their thing ( not mums) perhaps a family conference ( if it could stay polite) to limit their expectation might also achieve a good outcome. If the split between you is recent try not to get discouraged, things settle if you stay firm but not nasty and keep it about your kids. Sounds like you are, and it is a great idea to keep enough money in your house to do fun things as well, not all concentrated on when with mum. Not making it a competition but balanced between, and pretty important when they are with you both equally. Good luck
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