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Loss of contact with teenage children

 Hello I am after some advice from other members on teenage children.  (Just some history on the my case)

I am a mother of two boys aged 16 and 13.  I have been in and out of court for the past 3 years due to my ex husband continuely breaching the shared custody order (week on/off).  He has withheld my youngest boy for his last 2 birthdays along with mothers day and various other occassions.  The ex suffers PTSD and this year my eldest son decided to not return to me because he was afraid that his father was going to kill himself.  (he has attempted suicide on 5 occassions and has had 3 DVO's by his current girlfriend taken out on him but she always withdraws them). Child services got involved (not by my doing) and court proceeding again started. As any parent would have concerns for a (15 year old) who is caretaker of parent, court action resulted in the 15 year old being old enough to make his own choices (child services decided that as there is no physical harm to the children there isn't a case).  This resulted in further psych reports for the four of us and custody of the 15 (now 16yr old) to go to the father due to his age and right to decide.  The psych report was an accurate report on the childrens feelings towards both parents and the psych wrote that the father could not see what he was doing to the children and that he would continue to emotionally manipulate the children.

An ICL was appointed to represent the best interest of the children.  She failed to do her job before the next appointed hearing, so the hearing date was rescheduled for 6 weeks later.  The next appointed hearing is due to occur on 7 Nov in the meantime my youngest son who has been coming on his week/on visit has had his father continuing to breach the order. First he starts asking my son to go to the movies during the school week on my time with a sleep over and then he tells my son it is my fault that I won't let him go to the movies. (he has 182 days of care when he can take our son to the movies) As he lives with a very wealthy women he has been told if he lives there he will be better off, he won't have to follow the rules that I have in my house.  (it was also revealed by the psych that they have no rules in his house).  The latest breach of the the orders is that my son was not returned to me 2 weeks ago for my week.  I put in place a Recovery order but it was not deemed as urgent given the childs age, so it will be raised at the hearing on the 7 Nov.  In the meantime I have had not contact with my youngest son since he has gone to his fathers care for the past 2 weeks, they have caller ID on there phone so ignore my calls. My eldest son has not spoken to me since March, I email him but I get no replies.

I have tried going to the school to see my children.  (The school does not want to be involved)  If I ask for my son to be brought to the office the children phone there father and slip out of a different gate to avoid me.  (There is certainly alot more I could write here about the manipulation).  I pay my child support on time all the time along with alot of other fathers (and mothers) but don't have the opportunity to see my kids or talk on the phone to them.  I work hard, pay taxes and have tried to raise my children to be respectful young adults.  They are now residing in a house where there is documented evidence of physical (and emotional) violence towards women.  So how will they learn to respect women in there life?

Where did I go wrong?  How does teaching  a child to breach a lawful order the right thing to do? If the law doesn't protect you and the children who does?

I guess my question is how do I get my teenage sons back in my life? Is anyone else going through this if so what did you do?

I will keep you posted on the court hearing outcome.
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