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What would happen if you didn't show up for court

I was wondering has anyone not shown up to a court hearing? What would happen if you didn't reply to an affidavit? Just sick of all the court stuff and think maybe if you give up the fight what would the judge do?
You will be up for costs - You need to turn up or file affidavits!

if you don't reply to an affidavit you are basically saying that you agree to that version of events.

The court can make orders in your absence. The Affidavit is the only way the court can get your version of events. In Interim hearings the affidavits are critical. The Court process can be a lot less difficult if parties are mediating along the way. The process is lengthy regardless of what actions you take to try and expidite.

If you are relatively close on matters try getting a mediator to mediate with you and or you and your solicitor or third party.  The court process is not for the "faint hearted", nor those without a fair amount of funding if you are heavily represented. Costs can easily exceed tens of thousands and quite often run to a hundred thousand or more.

We do have through the FLRA and other organisations in the community section a range of contacts with solicitors who are outcome focussed. I can recommend Andrew Cornish for example. Contact through the FLRA. Is there anyone you can get to assist in getting to a resolution?

Executive Secretary - Shared Parenting Council of Australia
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This is our third time back at court since 2001. I thought it was all sorted in 2003 but its all on again. The judge has not read one affidavit to date and we go to trial in July so I see no purpose for one and the appllicants affidavit have always been full of lies with no proof and when I put the proof to the contrary in mine no one even mentions them. I am happy for the judge to make the decision for me as there is no way we can and it will just go forever. I think for a fight to happen there has to be two parties. He will never mediate. I have tried several times to ask him what he wants but he never says. There is an ICL involved so she will make sure the kids wishes are taken into consideration.
I did see an LAT children's matter last year where the respondent Mother declined to file an affidavit or to speak negatively of the Applicant Father. The hearing went over 3 days.

The Respondent Mother just keep repeating the words. "I just want to spend time with my children'.

She stuck to her guns and did not accept the Contact terms offered by the Father during the various 'negotiation' meetings that occurred. I have coined this the 'Buddist Monk' approach. Her reasoning in defending her position was very child focussed and practical.

All the available court time was therefore taken up by the Father talking negatively of the Mother. This behaviour eventually worked against the Father. Moore J got involved on behalf of the Mother to 'balance' things up. As the Father keep it up, it became clear the Father was the problem. Moore J could see this without the Mother producing any evidence to counter his claims.

The ICL's counsel and Father's counsel eventually went to work on the Father to change his position because they had better things to do. I bit like real estate agents working on the Vendor to close the deal and secure their commision.

On this occasion the strategy worked for the Mother.

Strange things have happened in the Family Court.

Very interesting… My line was going to be " I just want to be the children's mother and continue raising them the way i have for the last 12 years" I don't even want to read the lies in the affidavits. I got caught up in the first few when he accussed me of child abuse so I then had to go out and prove I am not a child abuser, he even said he had phoned DOC's to which Doc's under the freedom of information produced nothing and then after my response with all the evidence against him he replied with, "Oh I am mistaken, I didn't mean Doc's or anything like that I meant the family report". Doc's, child services are written in every paragraph. Affidavits are full of lies and I am sick of defending lies. It is extremely time consuming and then the funny thing was the judge didn't even bring up anything he  had written or anything in the affidavit so I think I will go in with my line. I have nothing to lose the boy's are old enough if they are not happy with the outcome they will just get on a bus and come home like they have done if they are forced to go on a weekend visit. The trouble with children today is we are bringing them up with alot of indendence and they do not want to be told. The family report recommends that the two in my care remain in my care and that the father sees them every second weekend. While it was not favourable to me the recommendations considering that a lot of cases are going 50/50 were favourable.
Your children are 12 years of age? What are their 'independent' wishes? Were the wishes of your children explored by the Expert Witness by noted in the Report?

I'm am not entirely sure if the reasoning - "well the boys just hopped on a bus and came home..Your Honour" - would necessarily be a feasible defence should the Father raise Contravention proceedings in the future. You would need to be seen as activity promoting the parenting Orders. Maybe even sending them back to the Father!

I am told that major changes in the life of children are much easier when they are very young rather than changes in the teens. Teenagers have groups of friends and are engaged in social activities. They start to have their own independent life.

That's probably the angle you want to go forward with. You might want to get hold of research to back this up.

Is this a move on the part of the Father to reduce Child Supports payments?

Yes to the CSA but he didn't return my eldest son when he went with him in June last year. I put in the contravention and Recovery order and the judge said, "Sorry He is old enough to decide." He was 12. When he took the child he applied for CSA straight away but CSA wouldn't give him money as there was a court order in place and he breached it but when he applied CSA reveiwed the case and found out he has been lying about income so his CSA went up from 20.00 a month to 1600 a month to which he then applied for the other two. Contravention orders are a waste of time so the judge as far as I can see can put anything in the next lot of orders she will never force the kids to live with the parent they don't want to. I have not seen my son for almost a year…..and the courts think that is okay. The other two will not see their Dad as they are afraid they to will not be brought home and used in his games. The ICL can sort out the kids views I am there to say I just want to be allowed to be their mother.
annie there are a couple of things that simply don't seem to gel.

You mentioned that you want to bring the kids up as you have for the last 12 years, have they had prior contact with their dad during this 12 years or have they been estranged ??

You have also mentioned that your children would fear being kept by their father yet would simply jump on a bus if they were forced to visit. Yet the children are still in fear.

Have they not seen their brother for the last year either ??

If in fact your X's C.S.A. has gone up then it was risky of him to try and influence a 12 year old to stay knowing that he may well run away back too mums, when you consider the whole event only see's him spending dollar after dollar going to court as well as the extra for the child already with him, it doesn't seem logical.

The judge to determine the child id old enough to make this decision must have had some communication with the child whether it be directly or indirectly, he would need information to base his decision on.

I know there's heaps of P.A.S. out there as well as parental manipulation but this guy must be near hypnotic to achieve all this. How did he manage it ????
Annie, to answer your original question, if you did not turn up for a hearing there would still be an undefended hearing. The FM or Judge would still have to consider the evidence and make a decision in the BIC. As monaro said, if you do not participate the court can accept all evidence of the father unchallenged. So if it is full of lies, too bad for you and the children, it is deemed to be true by default. This is especially true if there is no ICL. If there is an ICL at least someone will cross examine the father and reporter (presuming there is a family report) and make submissions about what is best for the children.
I know it is hard and sometimes you feel like giving up, but it is up to the adults to stick up for the kids. They may be shattered to think you didn't fight for them. I say that because that may be what they are told by their father…"your mum didn't want you…she didn't show up etc"
Hang in there. Best wishes.
The last 7 years he has had little or no contact. He made up the orders which said if he wanted the children every second weekend he would let me know. I am not sure if they fear their Dad but more they cannot be bothered with him. I would rather them see him some time but if they were told they had to live with their Dad full time they would run I am sure of that. They told the report writer that as well but I am unsure of what they would really do. They are twins so they have company. He is taking CSA to the SSAT at the moment. The boy's have not seen each other either. The 13 year old refused to see anyone from this side of the family not just me. He hs been isolated totally from all of us and is not allowed to make contact.The judge made the decision from him talking to someone from a court appointment counsellor about 6 months after he left. What would you expect after not seeing us for 6 months. As to do with what he writes in the affidavit if he writes another one, I am sure the judge will read nothing and yes their is an ICL.
I'm always of the opinion that if you let things go by without response then any outcome is 100% in your court.

You have tried to change things in concerns to your estranged son and made an effort here so why vary from this path. At very least put in a response and for your own personal confidence appear in court.

Never rely on others to do the right thing.

All responses point you in the best direction.

It's sad to hear about your sons choice no doubt he has or at least thinks he has the right reasons in his heart and this may change in time but your hands are tied at this point, I hope for his sake that he sees the mistake.

Did your son have to change his whole life or was he able to keep the same friends and be at the same school ??

It may be tough and the last thing you want but keep pluggin away Best of luck and thanks for responding that in itself is not the easiest thing to do.

Hey annie

This all sounds so very tough - I can understand why you are exhausted.

I am so sorry you have to think about this today.

Happy Mother's Day - trust your instincts.

Thanks everyone. He changed his whole life, schools, friends everything. I have to take some of the blame there as since the Dad had taken him I sent the school bills to him which he refused to pay. In hindsight I should have kept on paying so at least i would know he is educated properly. I think Mother's day and no word from him makes it even harder. Kids can be so cruel and I know he isn't all to blame but he could sneak a message or an email to me. I gave up on him after a lot of counselling and advice from a psychologist, it hurts but I know I was only pushing him further away. When I gave up on him in the last trial and said the Dad could have him he then got scared and intimated that I should see him but on my own without the other two. I am unsure what the Father wants now. The boy's in my care have phoned their brother about twice a week and he just hangs up on them and tells them he hates them. They are the innocent ones in all this. I think even though they don't verbalise it that they are probably scared to see their brother as he is so rude when they phone him and sometimes I think the one in his Dad's care is manipulating it so he can be the only child without the other two ever having to be part of their Dad's life. One day I might understand it all!

If there is more you want to ask in relation to the boys, email.

Is the character of all three boys very different? Why does the father favour one of them?

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on the site (Look for the Avatars).   Be mindful what you post in the public areas. 
I seem to have not posted the reply I wrote..The 13 year old is my clone, he is a spitting image. Very emotional and has always been sensitive about the fact his Father has no friends and family. The other two have each other and a very secure within themselves. They hate drama where as the eldest loves drama. I have no idea where the eldest is coming from but he did in the beginning keep telling me that I had to remember that he will always love him.The two in my care are getting moodier by the minute which I remember with the eldest when he turned 12 so sometimes I think the father managed to use the time in his life of change to his own advantage. While they are all fantastic kids the eldest goes with his heart while the other two are bound by their head and what suits them. I know in my heart that the two youngest will one day want to live with their Dad as well. Sometimes I get so resentful for the fact he didn't take them more so they felt they knew him and they didn't have to hurt me to know him as they do not know how to love both of us. Sometimes my heart just breaks for kids of divorce they must always feel in the middle.
I think that sometimes kids feel they are in the middle because that is where they are put or more appropriately they are ask to make adult decisions with a child's mind with no great wealth of knowledge to base the outcome on.

Seeing their father may of well turned out the same or maybe different you just can't pick it.

Children quickly adapt to what adults need and quite often take advantage of this and the same happens in reverse when an adult doesn't want something.

Family dynamics are so varied from one to the next that there is no normal situation and this makes it hard to identify wrong and right but if care is not taken then kids don't end up with the tools they need to get on with life.

Please do not think that I am suggesting that you have not provided these tools rather I'm simply saying it can be very confusing to the kids especially as they naturally love both parents, and they will forgive.

I have a feeling that there has been some rough times for the kids and your eldest may have seen a different side to his father than expected. I'm not sure if this situation has been opportunistic or a simple turn of events, but I do know that kids are often vestals that can be filled with many things that are more important to parents than children.
Lets just hope a balance is found for yourself and their father in the near future and you get to see your other son on better terms.

All best D4E.
Annie, hang in there and do the best you can.  I can relate to your experience somewhat, my middle daughter is 13 and went with Dad when she was 10, at her choice. She manipulates the situation to suit herself, has her Dad all to herself and creates dissension and fighting amongst the others. The only thing I can do is not play her game and be consistent and firm. I contact her so she knows I love her and while I don't expect her to ever live with me I hope to keep the channels of communication open so we can always have a relationship.

It actually suits the family dynamics to have the girls split like this as she seems hell bent on alienating her sisters when she spends too much time with them. They have been much closer since limited time with each other.

T12 has a point too, if you don't show up it can and probably will be misconstrued as lack of interest by the child / ren. My youngest was absolutely adamant she wanted to live with her Father after xmas. When she came to spend the last weeks of the holidays with me after a 3 week visit with the other side of her family I sat her down and explained I wasn't going to stop her going however I WAS going to take it to court as I loved her, didn't want her to go but I was willing to let an outside party make the decision. That mean't she had to stay with me till it was all sorted. She smiled  and said cool, gave me a hug and then told me later she was happy to stay with me!  Go figure - I am not sure if it was the break and being too much with her sister that changed her mind or the fact that I was prepared to fight for her.

Anyway I guess I am saying that you need to hang in there and go to court for your kids. As to the affidavits, you do need to put your side forward even if you feel it a waste of time. Look at them as a way of reaffirming your stance and what you want to achieve for your children.

When you are swimming down a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a Moray.
dont fell liek it is wasted, having you affidavit in makes you seem rational. it sounds like he has allready lost on being the one who can tell the truth, you dont have that problem. he sounds very very dihonest, if you dont turn up he will seem sensible, the judges can tell hes a flat out liar. i would suggest going to family court if your not allready there


Han Solo routine "We're all fine here, thanks. How are you?" *weapons fire* "It was a boring conversation anyway!"
Thanks. We go to court in July. I have still not received his affidavit so have not sent in one yet. I am not going to send in my own just reply to his. CSA debt is getting up for him.
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